


the nerve of repressed emotions

by revengeavenue



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, OT4, Pure Smut, ashton centric, but other than that, some build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 01:17:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5724079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revengeavenue/pseuds/revengeavenue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton danced around the subject for quite a while in his head. The overwhelming fear of rejection and acceptance kept him at bay. He thought about all the outcomes, and he decided it was best not to say anything at all. Despite his decision, the day comes when he spills his guts. It always does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the nerve of repressed emotions

**Author's Note:**

> hi friends, I've been working on this for a long time and I finally finished it!! I'm not very good at smut, so I apologize if it's not the best. thank you for reading!

From the first time he held hands with Michael, Ashton knew he felt something. He wasn't entirely sure just what he felt, but he knew that the pang in his chest wasn't for nothing. A friendly gesture, that's all it was in Ashton's mind at first. It was on a night that they were watching a bunch of shitty horror movies. Michael must have noticed how the drummer was shaking on the other side of the couch, because that's when he got up to comfort the boy. Little did they know about what that would lead to eventually.

Ashton swore he couldn't breathe when he felt Michael's fingers slowly lace with his own. It was like a switch got flipped inside his head. He suddenly started thinking about Michael holding his hand all the time. Then, one thought led to another, and when the movie ended, he found his head on Michael's shoulder. Their hands were still gently clasped together and Ashton had no recollection of what happened in the movie after Michael's soft caresses. To say the least, his stomach was doing somersaults.

That night, he didn't get very much sleep. Instead, he scripted scenarios in his head until the sun rose. Ashton knew he discovered something that would probably leave him bitter and broken, but he couldn't seem to care. The obsessive thought of being with one of his bandmates in a more intimate way was beginning to enfold him.

Every single waking moment following that night, he noticed just how touchy feely the entire band was getting towards him. Of course, Ashton couldn't tell if it was his mind going haywire, or if something was pleasantly changing. Either way, Calum started rubbing Ashton's back after shows, despite how sweaty he usually was. Luke began hugging him a lot more than most would deem necessary. As for Michael, he would cuddle Ashton until they both fell asleep. Michael always said it was "healthy for a band to bond physically", and Ashton found himself pondering what exactly he meant by that.

Ashton knew he had to keep his mouth shut. He feared that if he verbalized the situation, they'd all shy away and he wouldn't feel anything anymore. He never wanted it to stop. At the same time, he wanted to progress with this weird thing they had going on. His head was the absolute worst at making decisions and he hated it.

Plenty of time passed for him to make his decision, but he still kept quiet. Fear made Ashton procrastinate more than anything else. He just played along, as the boys got closer and closer to him.

What Ashton didn't know was that the feelings he so desperately mangled with were very obviously reciprocated on the other end. He was simply overthinking and under analyzing the entire situation.

Ashton didn't hear the late night conversations between his bandmates. He thought it was an unspoken game, but it most certainly was not. When their beloved drummer wasn't around, they'd try to make sense of their feelings with one another, in hopes that they could relate somehow. Eventually, the three had all come to terms that they wanted Ashton in every way he would let them have him. But fear latched itself onto them as well, and kept them from saying anything.

Calum, Luke, and Michael were keen to show Ashton how they felt, but never tell. They were afraid if he rejected them, the band would break up and they'd have a lot of confused and disappointed fans. None of them wanted that.

So, they all kept quiet. Ashton was included in this metaphorical silence, they just didn't know how he felt.

Feeling was something Ashton was trying to figure out. He wanted to be with the rest of the band all the time. It wasn't that simple though, it never was with Ashton. Admitting anything to himself was difficult, but he was slowly getting comfortable with the idea of kissing and even fucking all of his bandmates.

It seemed so complicated before. With time, it only got more black and white. As time spent itself, they all felt something intensifying. Ashton knew what he had to do.

-

The day the truth spilled was a hectic one. The band had a huge show that night and there was so much to prepare for. Everything was scattered and they all felt like they had no time for anything. It was just like any hectic day, until they finished the show and got back to their hotel. They were all exhausted beyond comprehension physically, and only the leftover adrenaline was still keeping them awake. 

Four bodies laid sprawled out in two different hotel beds: Calum and Luke in one, Ashton and Michael in the other. They all appeared to be distracted by Twitter, though half of them really weren't. Their minds were on overdrive; fixated on the feelings they were tired of hiding.

Michael set his phone on the floor next to the bed to charge. Then, he proceeded to make a show of scooting closer to Ashton and wrapping his arms around his waist. He rested his scruffy chin on Ashton's bare shoulders. No one had to know that he silently thanked himself for deciding to wear a tank top to bed. At the same time, the drummer swore he was completely flushed from Michael's touch.

Ashton managed to set his phone down on the nightstand without making too much of a commotion. He allowed himself to curl into Michael a bit more, enough to definitely make a scene.

Michael began kissing softly just below Ashton's ear. It all became so much more surreal when the soft kisses turned into sucking on sweet skin. Ashton just couldn't control himself as he let out a whimper.

The noise he made got the attention of Calum and Luke, sat just feet away on the other bed. They looked up from their phones with dilated pupils.

Michael wasn't told to stop, so he continued to suck little purple bruises onto the other boy's skin. Ashton eventually pulled away and turned towards him; breath weakened and heart beating faster than most would consider normal.

"K-Kiss me...on the mouth," Ashton stuttered out in Michael's direction. Michael wasted no time fulfilling his orders.

Their lips were molded together, moving in sync like a machine. Michael's hands drifted to the side of Ashton's face, and Ashton's clenched the white hotel linen beneath him.

All while this was occurring, Calum and Luke stared, completely dumbfounded.

As Michael pulled away from the kiss he'd been fantasizing over for way too long, he motioned the other two over. They moved slow, almost afraid to scare Ashton away, like he was some game they were hunting. It was anything but that, though. It was love and lust coinciding.

Calum and Luke sat on the bed, forming a square between the four of them.

"Ash, baby...whether you've been picking up on this or not, we wanted to tell you how much we adore you. Y-You're the best drummer we could ask for, honestly, and...um," Michael's words failed him, and that wasn't very typical of him.

Luke tried to pick up where Michael left off, although he wasn't sure how to articulate such a thing, "This is gonna sound really strange, but we're all...in love with you."

He stared down his own hands, afraid to look up and see Ashton's reaction.

Calum began before he forgot what he wanted to say, "And don't feel like you have to love us back, because we're not forcing you-"

"F-Fuck, fuck, I love you guys, so much, I..." Ashton interrupted by accident, and all with nothing coherent to say, because fuck. It all happened so fast.

The three sat speechless, with hearts pounding out of their ribcages and sweat beginning to soak their tee shirts. Moments passed as they heard the hotel room's AC kick on.

"Can we show you?" Michael asked, keeping his voice low. He earned questioning glances from Calum and Luke; they scolded him with their eyes for asking such a question.

Ashton wasn't feeling the least bit hesitant, because he knew they'd take care of him.

"Yes, please do," The drummer nearly pleaded out, and he could already tell how he'd be feeling the next day, though he didn't care about the consequences.

Still in slight shock, Calum took it upon himself to retrieve the things they'd need from his suitcase. He was rather thankful to have planned ahead.

Michael inched closer to Ashton, watching how his eyes widened with love, lust, and everything in between. His hands found the back of the boy's thighs, and he pulled Ashton into his lap. Another suck on his neck urged him to grind down on Michael, causing them both to gasp.

Luke watched, stuck hesitantly on the thought of whether or not to touch himself. All the movements they made were so full of caution. Soon enough, Calum returned with the lube he buried deep in his suitcase.

Michael began to undress Ashton. He started with his tank top, which was forgotten about as it was throw onto the hotel floor carelessly. Then he attended his own, which was destined the same fate.

"Up," Michael commanded, as Ashton responded quickly by standing up with the support of Michael's shoulders. He guided Ashton's sweatpants down his gorgeous thighs, only stopping to press loving kisses onto each of them.

The guitarist felt himself grow harder by the second, "Love your thighs, baby, so beautiful..."

Ashton moaned softly in response. This was all too overwhelming for him, and he was afraid he'd do something wrong. He still continued, despite his worries.

As he came back down to Michael's lap again, he noticed Luke and Calum stripping themselves of their clothes out of the corner of his eye. They then proceeded to climb back onto the bed in only their boxers.

Michael pushed him down onto the white sheets, attaching their lips once again. Ashton reached out and began pulling down his shorts. What he didn't know was the fact that Michael wasn't wearing anything underneath them.

"Fuck, you're so...big," Ashton muttered out into the air surrounding them. He wasn't sure what he expected, but whatever it was, it wasn't nearly as impressive as the real thing.

Michael replied with a slightly more inflated ego, "And you're gonna get it."

He looked to his lover for a nod of approval as his fingers hooked themselves into the waistband of his boxers. Ashton nodded frantically, because they were getting awfully uncomfortable, being as hard as he was. Michael swiftly pulled off his boxers and tossed them on the floor.

Calum handed, or more accurately, threw the bottle of lube at Michael. Waiting wasn't exactly his favorite thing, especially when it came to fucking a beautiful boy whom he was in love with.

Michael coated three of his fingers, inserting a single one inside of Ashton.

"Please hurry," Ashton commanded, taking Michael by surprise as he worked his fingers inside of his bandmate. He heard an irregular breath behind him, and he couldn't tell if it came from Calum or Luke. They were being rather quiet, which freaked him out a bit.

"I'm trying, patience baby," He uttered to his desperate lover.

After a few moments, Ashton stifled, "I'm r-ready."

Michael glanced up, taking in the beautiful sight that was the hazel eyed boy with half lidded eyes. His mouth was open as well and it was getting difficult for Michael to breathe. He pulled his fingers out and reached for the lube once again. He lathered up his cock and positioned himself, slowly filling Ashton.

The underside of Ashton's thighs would have handprints on them the next day, from the way Michael gripped them as he pushed inside him.

They both groaned from the friction, "Ash, fuck, you're so god damn tight," Michael swore as he began thrusting.

Ashton was already wrecked, with his hair sticking to his forehead and his hands still clenching the bedsheets. If he gripped them any tighter, he reckoned he would tear them apart. This was all new to him and he wondered why he hadn't tried it sooner. And as Michael spread Ashton's legs a little farther, he moved his hands from the crumpled bedsheets to his shoulders, pulling him closer.

"I love you," Ashton whispered in Michael's ear whilst he pounded into him. The way his breath hit the shell of his ear sent a wave of shock through Michael's body.

"I-I love you too, Ash," Michael choked out while looking Ashton in the eyes. (It all seemed so much more real that way.) He changed his angle so he could hit Ashton's prostate.

After a few moments, Ashton's face contorted a bit. Michael purposely hit his sweet spot several more times. This resulted in him moaning louder than he ever had, and coming onto his own chest.

Michael thrusted a couple more times until he came undone, filling Ashton with his come.

Calum was visibly sweating as he watched Michael pull out of Ashton. He felt his heart beginning to pound with anticipation. The room temperature had become so much hotter, and the arousal was making the air thicken. Luke was so turned on that it was starting to hurt. He couldn't remember what it was like to not feel that way.

After a few moments, Ashton propped himself up on his elbows, looking absolutely wrecked in the process. His wavy hair was splayed across his forehead, covering his loving hazel eyes in the slightest. Calum thought he looked so fucking gorgeous.

Calum inched towards Ashton, "Ready for me?" He asked shyly, suddenly feeling self conscious, because what Ashton thought mattered far more than he'd like to admit.

"Y-yeah, just give me a second," The drummer breathed out into the room. He watched Michael pull his shorts back on and head for the bathroom, probably getting his second shower of the night.

The few seconds Ashton waited were spent making intense eye contact with Calum, and fuck; his bedroom eyes were absolutely unbearable.

And perhaps Ashton felt more naked making eye contact than he felt without clothes on.

"I'm ready now," Ashton spoke softly, breaking the eye contact at last.

Calum visibly swallowed, moving toward the other boy like he was entering treacherous territory, even though it was anything but that. He began to pull off his boxers, which were getting ungodly uncomfortable now.

Ashton sat up in the bed, pushing the raven-haired boy back and straddling him.

"I wanna ride you," He said with the most lustful eyes that Calum had ever seen, and of course, he wasn't going to protest.

"Please, Ash," Calum managed to force the annunciation through his mouth, before it was attached to Ashton's for the first time.

The kiss was needy; every bit desperate, but nonetheless, honest. It felt a lot like Calum imagined it would all the times he caught himself staring at his lips when he talked. It was everything he expected, and more.

Ashton reached for the lube that was previously tossed somewhere near him on the sheets, and handed it to Calum. After Calum flicked open the cap and applied it to himself, he wasted no time lifting Ashton up and letting him sink onto his cock. The stretch wasn't as painful as before, since Ashton was prepped. Still, it was new, but so worth the dull pain in his lower back.

Ashton steadied himself on Calum's tanned shoulders, and at the same time, Calum gripped Ashton's hips. He began to move a bit, getting used to the feeling once again. And god, Calum was getting impatient, and the tightness around his cock certainly was not helping.

The drummer picked up the pace, straining his thighs and loving the burning feeling he felt.

"Holy fuck, Ash-" Calum couldn't form a coherent thought. Nothing mattered, except the boy in his lap.

Ashton just sucked a mark into Calum's neck in response, making the tiny vessels rise and break on the surface of his skin.

Calum thrusted upwards, which earned a filthy moan from Ashton's mouth, and he reckoned this would be the death of him. He was correct, because Ashton's grinding got more rhythmic, and it was getting hard to ignore the feeling of being so close.

"Getting close," Ashton barely muttered the two words, because he was so exhausted, but the adrenaline was keeping his body moving.

And neither of them could breathe when Ashton came all over both their chests, with Calum following soon after. They stayed in that position for a few long seconds trying to catch their breaths.

The only sound that filled the room was heavy breathing, until a voice said, "Holy fuck."

Calum and Ashton turned their heads towards the voice, and oh, they'd forgotten Luke was still in the room. They both blushed furiously in his direction as the bassist pulled himself out of his lover, and left to get a quick shower.

Ashton should've felt used, but he really didn't at all. He felt loved, more than he ever did before. Fuck, he never thought it was possible to feel so wonderful.

Luke got up from where he was planted on the other bed and joined Ashton. Michael was nowhere in sight, so they figured he fucked off somewhere else so he wouldn't have to get another shower. Smart thinking.

As soon as Luke heard Calum turn the water on, he laid Ashton back down on the bed. He began to caress the boy's beautiful thighs, suddenly realizing why Michael had the obsession with his thighs. His eyes met Ashton's, and fuck, he was whipped.

Luke slowly moved forward and hovered over Ashton; their lips a mere inch apart. It was all over when somebody moved forward and they pressed together, and soon a chaste kiss blossomed into a heated one.

With that, Ashton pulled the blonde into himself, so that he sunk between his legs. Luke's hands pushed his weight back up, "Stop stalling, I wanna fuck you."

"Shut up and fuck me then," The boy underneath replied with a snarky comeback, and Luke followed his orders.

He dropped his boxers to the floor, suddenly feeling very exposed, and losing confidence by the second. He managed to push past the bad thoughts, though, because it was surely not the time to think about his body image.

Luke glanced at the lube, and decided not to use it, because, well, obvious reasons. He gripped Ashton's thighs once more, and slowly inched into him, watching the boy's face the entire time.

"You're so fucking wet, baby boy," Luke muttered, still getting comfortable with everything.

As Luke picked up the pace a bit, Ashton could feel all the fluid running out of his ass, and holy fuck, he felt so full.

Ashton wrapped his legs around Luke's torso, his heels digging into the other boy's back with every melodic thrust. His hands were covering his own mouth, so he didn't scream and wake everyone in the neighboring hotel rooms. He'd rather not get in trouble for taking all of his band member's dicks in one night.

Luke groaned, feeling the heat pool in his stomach. Ashton was still so tight around him and he couldn't take it anymore; it was getting so hard not to fall apart.

Ashton was such a mess that when Luke hit his prostate the first time, he let out a muffled whine through his hand. He felt himself nearing his third orgasm of the night, and he could already tell he'd be in a lot of pain the next day. He couldn't bring himself to care.

Luke came without warning, filling up the older boy. Ashton followed suit, his chest entirely too sticky to fall asleep now. He pulled out of him, watching as his eyes were beginning to flutter shut.

"Let's get you cleaned up, Ashy," Luke whispered, going to pick Ashton up and carry him to the bathroom they shared.

Ashton accepted his offer. He opened his arms sleepily and let himself be enveloped in Luke's naked warmth. Feeling the impact of his feet on the shower floor, "Shower with me?" he turned to Luke and asked timidly.

"Sure," was all Luke said in reply, as he turned the water on and hopped in the shower with Ashton.

-

They were all cuddled up with each other on a single hotel bed, and nobody minded at all. The other bed was useless when they were all so attached to each other. Perhaps that was how it would always remain.

Ashton was nestled between Luke and Michael, and Calum settled on clinging to Michael's side. Michael's arms ended up wrapped around Ashton's torso. Luke was spooning his side, leaving Calum separated from Ashton. It wasn't a big deal, considering Ashton promised to make it up to him later.

"I love you all," Ashton spoke against the rough grain of the silence; it was late and everyone was exhausted.

And even though he didn't have to hear their voices to know that they reciprocated the feelings, "Love you so much," was muttered by a voice that could only belong to Michael.

"Love you too," Luke was delirious, but didn't fail to reply.

Calum was so close to beautiful slumber, but he forced himself conscious enough to whisper, "I love you, Ash."


End file.
